Anime Talk w/ Oni-chan & Kousei
by Kousei
Summary: Herbal Essence, Hanson, Free Beer, OH MY!! The 2nd episode of Anime Talk is up and running! Dorothy and Dorothy face off!!! Read on to find out more and PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!
1. Episode 1 : Trowa's Hair Demon

Anime Talk with Oni-chan (also known as warui chiisai oni) and Kousei ****

Anime Talk with Oni-chan (also known as warui chiisai oni) and Kousei

Episode 1: Trowa's Hair Demon   


Author Notes: This is going to be an ongoing silly fic that will basically be written in talk show form. It will be hosted by myself and my good friend Oni-chan. We will be interviewing characters from various animes and sometimes other authors may be making guest appearances. Each chapter will be one episode so consider this the pilot "episode." We hope you enjoy the sick, wacky fun of it all and please read and review. ^_^   


Signed,

Kousei

Disclaimer: All standard disclaimers apply   


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*Scene- Oni-chan and Kousei are sitting behind a large blue desk with their feet propped up and sipping Pepsi.   


Disclaimer guy: "We do not own Pepsi."   
  


Cameraman pans out to show the audience. One lone guy with a Bud Light-   


DG: "We also don't own Bud Light."   
  


Kousei&Oni-chan: *****look around in a confused manner* "Who the hell said that?!"   
  


DG: "Me, the disclaimer guy."   
  


K&O: *sweatdrop*   


O: *to Kousei* "Did you hire a disclaimer guy?"   
  


K: "No, I thought you did."   
  


O: "No…how creepy."   
  


DG: *****laughs evilly*   


K&O: *blinks*   


K: "Weird…"   
  


Bud Guy: "Kousei, Oni-chan, I love you *hic* guys! You're the *hic* greatest!" *falls off the balcony. A loud thump is heard*   


O: "Maybe we shouldn't have given away free beer to the audience members…"   
  


K: "I told you we shoulda just handed out gummi bears."   
  


*loud giggling and squealing can be heard*   


O: "Looks like Trowa's Fanclub is here." *at the mention of Trowa's name the fanclub immediatelybeginsscreaming and squealing uncontrollably*  


Fangirl: "Oh my God! Is he here?! Where is he?!"   
  


Kousei: "Hey quiet down or we'll kick you out! We're gonna start the show!" *they are instantly silent and the sound of cricket chirping can be heard*   


Oni-chan: "That's better." *turns to face the camera* "Hi and welcome to the series premier of Anime Talk with your wonderful hostesses Kousei and me, the ever wonderful and exceptionally talented, Oni-chan!"   
  


K: *sweatdrop* "Anyway, our show mainly focuses on Anime news, special guests and the occasional face off. Chairs will be thrown, insults will fly, feelings will be hurt and blood will be drawn!"   
  


O: "That's right! We also guarantee that everyone will be offended at least once!"   
  


K: "So without further ado, let's bring out our first guest!"   
  


O: "From Gundam Wing we'd like to welcome the pilot of Heavyarms, also known as Trowa Barton!"   
  


*Trowa walks out onto the set and sits in one of the comfy blue chairs next to Kousei and Oni-chan's desk. The Trowa Fanclub begins squealing and tries to rush the stage. Kousei jumps up holding a chair and Nakago's(1) whip, wearing a lion tamer's outfit.*   


K: *trying to fend off fangirls* "Back! Back! You can all glomp him after the show!" *the fanclub backs away from the whip and reluctantly returns to their seats*   


K: *sits back down* "Good. Now let's get started." *Nakago walks out*   


Nakago: *to Kousei* "Give me back my whip."   
  


K: *pouts* "Fine." *she hands over the whip. Nakago walks back offstage. The sounds of a whip and loud screams can be heard.*   


K&O: *sweatdrop* "Uhhh…"   
  


O: *to Kousei* "That sounds like our producer…"   
  


K: "Anyway…welcome to the show Trowa! We're glad you could be here!"   
  


Trowa: *looks a little nervous* "My pleasure."   
  


K: "As you can see, your rather large fanclub is here." *fangirls scream and giggle*   


Fanclub: "Trowa, we love you!"   
  


Trowa: *sweatdrop*   


O: *grumbles* "One of them bit me…" *rubs at rather large bite mark on her hand*   


K: "sweatdrop* "Anyway…here's something that I'm sure many have wanted to know. Why does Heavyarms always run out of bullets five minutes into the battle?"   
  


Trowa: "…..I pissed off the writers."   
  


O: "How did you piss off the writers?"   
  


Trowa: "I ate the last donut."   
  


K&O: "Ooohh…."   
  


K: "It all becomes so clear now…"   
  


O: "See this is why you should never take a donut from a hungry writer."   
  


K: *sarcastically* "Words of wisdom…"   
  


O: *ignoring Kousei* "Okay here's a question that's also on a lot of people's minds. What's really going on between you and Quatre? Are you guys…you know…?"   
  


Trowa: *sweatdrop* "….."   
  


K: "C'mon you can tell us. We promise we won't tell anybody else." *the fanclub looks anxious as they await Trowa's answer*   


Trowa: "There is nothing going on between us! We're just friends!" *the fanclub lets out a collective sigh*   


K: "Yeah, sure you are…" *the fanclub glares at her and brandish baseball bats*   


K: *sweatdrop* "Eep…"   
  


O: "Okay, I got something I want to know. What's the deal with your hair?"   
  


Trowa: "What about my hair?"   
  


O: "Is it really alive?"   
  


K: "Can it eat people?"   
  


Trowa: *sweatdrop* "…."   
  


Trowa's hair: "Grrrrr….."   
  


K&O: *sweatdrop*   


O: *to Kousei* "His hair is growling…is that a bad sign?…"   
  


K: "I don't know…it can't be a good sign…"   
  


*Suddenly Trowa falls out of his chair. He's clutching at his head and writhing around on the floor.*   


K: "Uh…Trowa are you okay?"   
  


Trowa: "Hair…taking over…losing…control…arrrggghhhh!!!" *He gets back up and his eyes are glazed over.*   


O: "Aah! What's happening?!"   
  


Possessed Trowa: "I never ate anybody! You can't prove a thing!"   
  


O: *looks nervous* "Okay Trowa, we believe you. Now calm down…"   
  


PT: "You little fool! Trowa is not here anymore! I, the hair demon Haniquito, have finally taken over this little weakling's body! And soon I will rule the world! Starting with this talk show! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" *Trowa disappears backstage and comes back out with a bazooka*   


TP: "Prepare to die, you miserable mortals! BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!" *starts blowing up the audience*   


Audience: "AAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!! MAD HAIR! MAD HAIR!" *the audience begins stampeding towards the exits*   


K: "Hey, what the hell do you think you're doing!! Nobody tries takes over our talk show and gets away with it! Especially on our season premier!"   
  


O: "Yeah, and were really pissed that you're blowing up our audience too!" *Oni-chan whips out her warhammer and Kousei whips out her scythe from their subspace pockets. They rush the possessed Trowa and a huge battle between Kousei, Oni-chan, and Trowa ensues. After a while, the dust settles and Kousei and Oni-chan limp out covered in various scrapes and bruises, with Kousei triumphantly holding the remains of Trowa's uni-bang. Trowa is lying unconscious on the floor.*   


K: *slaps Oni-chan a high five* "That was weird! Who knew Trowa's hair was possessed."   
  


O: "I wonder if he's okay? I hope we didn't hurt him too much…"   
  


Trowa: "Ugh…wha…what happened…to my …hair?"   
  


K: "We killed the hair demon that was possessing you."   
  


Trowa: "You have?!" *runs over and hugs Kousei* "Thank you so much! Now I can pursue my lifelong dream of becoming a lama farmer!" *runs offstage to go pursue his dream*   


O: *sweatdrop* "Okay…"   
  


K: "I guess that's the end of our show…"   
  


O: "Yeah…"   
  


K: "Join us for next week's episode: Gundam Wing vs. Big O! Dorothy and Dorothy face off!"   
  


O: "It'll be eyebrows against robot and we may have a special guest author here covering the fight!"   
  


K&O: "Until next time!" *they wave goodbye and the screen fades to black*   


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Well, what did you think? Please review and if you have questions you'd like to ask our guests or any ideas or suggestions please feel free to e-mail us at [onichan01@yahoo.com][1] for me or you can e-mail Kousei at [][2]Sailormoon_185@yahoo.com.   


(1) Nakago is one of the villains from Fushigi Yugi who whips people a lot.

   [1]: /ym/Compose?To=onichan01@yahoo.com
   [2]: /ym/Compose?To=Sailormoon_185@yahoo.com



	2. Episode 2 : Dorothy vs. Dorothy

Anime Talk with Oni-chan (also known as warui chiisai oni) and Kousei  ****

Anime Talk with Oni-chan (also known as warui chiisai oni) and Kousei   


****

Episode 2: Dorothy vs. Dorothy   


Disclaimer: All standard disclaimers apply.   


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*Scene- Oni-chan and Kousei are sitting behind a large blue desk with their feet propped up and sipping Pepsi (again).   


Kousei: "What happened to that disclaimer guy?"   
  
  
  


Oni-chan: "I don't know. I think we fired him."   
  
  
  


K&O: *shrug at each other* "Hmm."   
  
  
  


Suddenly, a loud, cheesy-sounding jazz track can be heard playing over the speakers on the stage. A group of four male models clad in all black runs up on stage and each one of them has a bottle of a colored gel. Before either one of them can move, they all descend upon Oni-chan and begin to sing:   


Guys in Black: "She's got the urge. . .to herbal!"   
  


A washbasin appears out of nowhere and they force Oni-chan's head down into it, sudsing up her hair. She struggles and pleads for help as they ruthlessly lather, rinse, and repeat.   


K: *with a look of disgust and shock* "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO MY FRIEND?!"   
  
  
  
GIB: "She'd like to lather in the shower, for another half an hour!"   
  


O: "Blrrrb. . .Help!"   
  


Kousei moves forward, brandishing the stolen whip of Nakago, and begins to whip at the backs of the men in black. Unbeknownst to her, _another_ groups of men in black come on the stage from out of nowhere and descend upon her.   


GIB (2nd group): "Kousei, do you have an _urge_?"   
  
  
  
K: *look of extreme horror on her face* "No, baka! Get back!"   
  
  
  
They pay her warning no attention, continuing to come forward as she beats them mercilessly with Nakago's. . .   


K: "EXCUSE ME?"   
  


Uhh. . .I mean, _her_ whip.   


K: "That's better. Ahhhh!"   
  
  
  
All seems lost as the men in black from Herbal Essences are hell-bent on washing her hair. But just before they back her into a corner, another person in black jumps onto the stage.   


Darkslayer: *looking really pissed* "Hold it right there, you freaks!"   
  
  
  
The men halt suddenly, then turn around to look at him. He reaches inside his coat for his ultimate weapon, and comes up with. . .a butter knife.   


D: *sweatdrop* "Hey! It's kind of rusty!"   
  
  
  
Alright, a _rusty_ butter knife. Happy?   


D: "Better."   
  


With reckless abandon, he pops open a container of jalapeno cheese spread and runs at the evil men, _rusty_ butter knife in-hand and ready to dish out some serious spread. A few minutes and a few containers of cheese later, he wipes the knife clean and sticks it back into his belt.   


O: "Urghhh. . .What—what happened?"   
  
  
  
K: "Those guys from Herbal Essences attacked us. They must have heard about my efforts to shut down their commercials, since everyone was getting headaches from the corny music."   
  


D: *looking at piece of paper* "Well, according to this, they're your new sponsor."   
  


K&O: *look of shock* "We—we have a sponsor?"   
  


D: *shrugs*   


O: "Wait a minute. How did you know we were being attacked?"   
  


D: "When I went to park my car, there was a HUGE van in my spot with the Herbal Essences logo on it. I just guessed."   
  
  
  
GIB: "And we would have gotten away with it too, if it hadn't been for you meddling kids and his butter knife!"   
  


D: *looking very annoyed* "IT'S A RUSTY BUTTER KNIFE!"   
  


Oni-chan opens her space pocket and grabs her magic warhammer while Kousei grabs Naga—uhh, I mean _her_ whip and runs forward, each screaming a battle cry. Darkslayer merely turns his back and listens while the two hosts of Anime Talk wail on the evil men. Several minutes later, they are done and what had been the guys in black from Herbal Essences was nothing more than a pile of powder sitting on the floor.   


K: *slaps Oni-chan a high five* "Thank god. We've spared the masses once again from the evils of corporate America."   
  
  
  
O: "I don't care. I just wanted to kill them for the washing. That stuff burns like all get out."   
  


K: "Can somebody get a broom and clean up what's left of the Herbal Essence guys?"   
  
  
  
Nobody moves.   


K: *looking very pissed* "I said CAN SOMEBODY GET A BROOM AND CLEAN UP WHAT'S LEFT OF THE HERBAL ESSENCE GUYS?! OR DO I HAVE TO FIRE SOMEBODY?!"   
  


About twenty janitors rush out with brooms and dustpans in hand and immediately begin sweeping up the mess.   


K: "That's better."   
  
  
  
O: "Okay, everybody clear out! It's time to start the show! Darkslayer, you sit in the chair next our desk."   
  


D: "Okay." *goes and has a seat*   


Kousei and Oni-chan are back behind their desk. The cameraman pans out over the audience again before finally settling on the two hostesses.   


O: "Hi and welcome to another episode of Anime Talk with your hostesses, Kousei and Oni-chan!"   
  


K: "That's right! We're back again and just as we promised, we have a special guest author here with us today!"   
  


O: "Give a round of applause for our good friend and great fanfic writer, Darkslayer!"   
  


The audience is completely silent except for a few people coughing and the sound of crickets chirping can be heard.   


D: *sweatdrop*   


O: "Ahem, Kousei, you might want to press the button…"   
  


K: *sweatdrop* "Oh yeah…" *presses a red button marked applause. A sign flashes the word applause and the audience begins clapping and cheering wildly*   


Audience: "Whooo! Darkslayer, you rock!"   
  
  
  
D: *looking smug* "Yeah, I know."   
  
  
  
K: "We also have two more special guests coming to the show. From Gundam Wing, the annoying female blonde other than Relena, Dorothy Catalonia!"   
  
  
  
A girl with long blonde hair and weird looking eyebrows walks onto the set. Darkslayer looks horrified as she takes a seat next to him. She winks at him and he shudders.   


D: "Um, can I have a different seat please?…"   
  
  
  
O: "No, you stay where you are and be nice to our guest."   
  
  
  
D: *grumbles* "Fine, but if she tries anything funny, I will not be responsible for my actions!"   
  
  
  
K: "Oh, relax. Besides, I think she likes you."   
  
  
  
D: *looks even more terrified as Dorothy eyes him* "You've got to be kidding me…"   
  
  
  
Dorothy: *to Darkslayer* "Say, what are you doing after the show?"   
  
  
  
D: "Nothing with you!"   
  
  
  
Dorothy: *laughs and flips her hair back* "I love it when they play hard to get."   
  
  
  
D: *looks nervous* "Ulp…"   
  
  
  
O: "Okay, enough of that, we gotta get started. Welcome to our show Miss Catalonia we're glad you could make it."   
  


Dorothy: "Thank you, I'm happy to be here." *she scoots a little closer to Darkslayer. Darkslayer scoots away and is now pressed against the armrest of the blue couch."   
  
  
  
K: "I'm sure you've heard of our other guest who will be joining us as well on this show."   
  
  
  
Dorothy: "Oh yes, and I'm looking forward to meeting her."   
  
  
  
O: "Then let's bring her out. Form Big O, the redheaded android Dorothy…" *turns to Kousei* "Um…what's her last name?"   
  
  
  
K: "I don't think she has one…" *looks at a few of the papers scattered on the desk* "There's nothing here about a last name."   
  
  
  
O: "Oh…okay. Um…Dorothy, everybody!"   
  
  
  
A redheaded girl in a black dress that looks she belongs on the Adams Family walks out. A man in a black suit walks out after her.   


K: "Hey, what are you doing here? You're not supposed to be here until a later episode."   
  
  
  
Man in Black: "Who me?"   
  
  
  
O: "Yes, you. Now get out, we just want Dorothy."   
  
  
  
MIB: *grumbles* "Fine." *walks offstage*   


K: "Weirdo.......Anywayz, back to our guests, so Dorothy...um, what's your last name?"   
  


Dorothy W.: "My last name is WinWright."

K: "Ok. . ., now that that's cleared up, Oni-chan and I will reveal the reason you three are here."   
  


O: "Yep, your here for our first annual sudden death, no holds barred, teletubbie pit of death match."   
  


K: *sweatdrop* "Try saying that three times fast..."   
  


O: "And, of course, our special guest author Darkslayer will be our referee!"   
  


K: *cough cough * "And in charge of peanut sales......"*cough cough*   


D: "WHAT!?! I SELL PEANUTS?!"   
  


K &O: "Yep......hehehe."   
  


O: *** **nudges Kousei * "Lower the fighting ring!!!"   
  


K: "Huh? Oh ok..."*pushes big red button*   


*Suddenly a huge fighting rink falls on the audience, smashing them*   


O: "Alright, who switched the fighting ring button with the smash the audience button?"

*Suddenly evil laughter can be heard from off stage.*   


Evil Voice: "HAHAHA!!! You fools really think you could just fire me!!! I am the Disclaimer Guy! My Herbal Essence fighters shall punish you!!!" (We do not own Herbal Essence)   


K: "Oh dear god not those freaking Herbal Essence guys again!!"   
  


O: *covers hair* "If they come near me again I swear to God I'll smash them with my hammer...."   
  


D: "Want me to handle this?" *pulls out his rusty butter knife *   


K: " Let me handle this..." *pulls out an ACME flame-thrower* "It's time to throw down...." * Blasts flames at the H.E. fighters* "This is for that F*cking "Urge" theme song!!!!!!!!!!!!!" *** **chases them backstage, then screams of pain are soon heard *   


O & D: * sweatdrop * "Ok. . . ."   
  


*Kousei comes back, flame-thrower tossed over her shoulder *   


K: "Well, now that that's been taken care of, lets get to the main event, Dorothy & Dorothy, please take your spots in the ring, and let the fighting begin!"   
  


The two girls look at each other, then at the hosts.   


O: "What's wrong?"   
  


Dorothy W.: "Why should I fight her?"   
  


Dorothy: "All I do is incite others to fight, I don't take violent action into my own hands. Besides, I like it right here." *she attempts to put a hand on Darkslayer's leg*   


D: "Hey!" *smacks hand away* "Quit it!"   
  


Dorothy: "Mmm. Feisty!"   
  


D: *his face turns pale* "You guys said I could go sell peanuts in the audience, right?"   
  


O: *looks at Kousei with angry-eyes* "Back when we HAD an audience."   
  


K: *sweatdrop* "Hey! That wasn't my fault!"   
  


D: "How about I go find another audience?" *he jumps as Dorothy places a hand on his shoulder* "Yikes!" *he runs off the stage and out a side exit, in search of a new audience*   


K: "Well, I guess it's up to us to get these two to fight."   
  


O: "How are we going to do that?"   
  


K&O: "Hmmmm. . ." *they literally put their heads together as they try to come up with an idea*   


K: "Wait a minute!. . .no, never mind."   
  


O: "I've got it!. . . .nah, sorry. .."   
  


K&O: "WE'VE GOT IT!"   
  


O: "First we'll need Darkslayer back."   
  


K: "Well, he said he was gonna go find us another audience, so he might be gone for a while."   
  


O: "Well, I'll go find him. Besides, I doubt he's really searching for our new audience anyway." *pulls out her warhammer from her subspace pocket and goes out the same exit Darkslayer did.*   


K: *confused statement* "Why are you bringing your hammer?"   
  


O: "Just in case…"   
  


K: "???"   
  


Oni-chan leaves, leaving Kousei with Dorothy and Dorothy. She returns a short while later dragging a bound and gagged Darkslayer who is slightly dazed.   


K: "What the hell happened to him?!"   
  


O: "He was trying to make a run for it. I had to chase him down, knock him out, and tie him up. He's pretty damn fast too! He almost reached the border before I caught him!"   
  


K: *sweatdrop* "Okay…now what about the audience?"   
  


O: "I got that covered." *walks over to the entrance*   


O: *shouts* "SHOE SALE!!"   
  


Thousands of women stampede into the audience, trampling Oni-chan.   


O: "Urrgh…there's the female half of our audience…you get the male half." *gets up and straightens herself out*   


K: "Okay." *walks over to the entrance*   


K: *shouts* "FREE BEER!!" *thousands of men stampede in, trampling Kousei and Oni-chan*   


K&O: "Urrrgghhh…"   
  


Woman: "Hey where are the shoes?"   
  


Man: "And where is all the booze?"   
  


K: "Sorry, there aren't any shoes or alcoholic beverages. But we are having a deathmatch here! Wanna be part of the audience?"   
  


O: "It'll be a great fight! I promise!"   
  


Man: "Not really…"   
  


Woman: "I don't like violence…"   
  


K&O: "Well too bad, you're watching anyway!" *they lock the doors and close off all the exits*   


O: "Great, we have an audience. Now let's get this show on the road!'   
  


K: "Check on Darkslayer first. I think you may have hurt him…"   
  


O: "I didn't hit him _that_ hard." *walks over and un-gags Darkslayer*   


D: "Ooh, look at all the pretty little birdies…"   
  


O: "Okay, maybe I did hit him that hard…" *waves a hand in front of the dazed Darkslayer's face* "Hey Darkslayer, you think you can still be ref?"   
  


D: *blinks at Oni-chan* "Why, hello there Mr. Penguin! Why are you so far from the North Pole? Santa's gonna miss you…" *giggles insanely*   


O: *sweatdrop* "Okay…whatever."   
  


K: *to the two Dorothys* "Okay if you guys fight, the winner gets a date with Darkslayer!"   
  


D: *snaps out of his daze* "WHAT?!!!"   
  


Dorothy W.: "I don't want to date this man."   
  


Dorothy C.: "I wouldn't mind a date with him, but I won't fight someone for him."   
  


O: "You'll also win a million dollars!"   
  


Both Dorothys: "But we're both already insanely rich."   
  


K: *sweatdrop* "Oh yeah, I forgot about that…"   
  


O: *begs* "Please, please, pretty please? You guys have to fight! We promised you would!"   
  


K: "If you don't, our ratings will drop even lower!"   
  


Both Dorothys: "And we care, why?…"   
  


K&O: "Meanies!"   
  


O: "That's it! You two are going to fight whether you like it or not!" *grabs both Dorothys and drags them into the ring, placing them in their respective corners*   


Oni-chan takes off her pentacle necklace and swings it back and forth in front of Dorothy Catalonia's face.   


O: "You are getting sleeeeeepppy, sleeepy…"   
  


Dorothy's eyes begin to glaze over and her head begins to droop.   


Dorothy C.: "Sleeeepy…"   
  


O: "Are you asleep?"   
  


Dorothy C.: *snores*   


O: "Good. Now listen carefully. You hate Dorothy Winright. You would like nothing more than to see her head on a pike."   
  


Dorothy C.: "…hate Dorothy Winright…head on pike…"   
  


O: "That's right. Now when I count to three, you'll wake up and have an overpowering urge to rip Dorothy Winright limb from limb."   
  


Dorothy C.: "…must kill…limb from limb…"   
  


O: "Great." *to Kousei* "I'm all set over here. You work on Miss Winright over there."   
  


K: "Okay." *goes behind Dorothy W., opens her back up revealing a whole bunch of buttons. She presses a few*   


Dorothy W.: "Must kill Dorothy Catalonia…"   
  


K: "Great! Just what I wanted to hear." *closes Dorothy back up*   


O: "Okay Dorothy, 1 2 3, wake up!"   
  


Dorothy snaps awake.   


Dorothy C.: "Huh, what happened?" *sees Dorothy W.* "YOU!! I'LL KILL YOU!!"   
  


Dorothy and Dorothy rush at each other, but Kousei and Oni-chan hold them back.   


K: "Whoa! Hold on a minute! Wait until we start the fight!"   
  


O: "Yeah! You can't fight until the bell rings."   
  


The two Dorothys back off into their corners and glare at each other.   


O: "Okay, Darkslayer. You gonna try to run for it again?"   
  


D: *shakes his head* "No, I'll be good!"   
  


K: "Great." *unties Darkslayer*   


D: *bolts for the nearest exit, only to be stopped by a HUGE electric shock running through his body* "Ahhhhhh!"   
  


K: "Oni-chan, what the hell did you do?"   
  


O: *smiles* "I knew he'd lie, so I slapped an invisible-fencing collar on his neck to prevent him from leaving."   
  


D: *tugs at the collar* "Jeez! It won't come off!"   
  


O: *sprouts horns and a tail* "And it'll stay there until this fight is over! You aren't getting away from us today, Darkslayer!"   
  


D: *sigh* "Alright!" *climbs over the ropes and into the ring* "I want a fight! Nothing clean, or good, or wholesome! These people are being held against their wills (like me!) and they deserve some bloodshed!"   
  


K&O: *whisper to darkslayer* "Pssst…we have _censors_ on this channel!"   
  


D: "D*** it! Alright--FINE. Let's get it on!   


O: *pushing a button while Kousei pouts* "Sorry, Kousei, but I want a turn with the console."   
  


A huge grinding sound can be heard as the metal gate doors below the ring slowly open. Beneath the doors lies a shadowed pit, filled with barely visible teletubbies with shaving cream around their mouths, giving off the illusion of rabies. Their bellies glow with the insidious hue of demonic children's television, and a soft chanting can be heard:   


Teletubbies: "Let's hug! I love you!"   
  


O: *shiver* "We had to put that stupid foam on each one of their faces. One of them tried to hug my arm off!"   
  


K: "Shh! The fight's starting!"   
  


D: *leaps out of the way of the two Dorothys and barely catches the ropes before falling into the pit* "Ahhh!!"   
  


O: *scratches her chin* "I keep getting the feeling that we're forgetting something here. . ."   
  


K: "Wasn't Darkslayer supposed to have a safety harness or something so he wouldn't fall into the pit?"   
  


O: "We had the money for that?"   
  


K: "Sure. It was in the plain, unmarked envelope on top of the console earlier."   
  


O: "Uhh. . .on _this_ console?"   
  


K: *growing suspicious* "Yes. . .Oni-chan, is there something you're not telling me?"   
  


O: "Well, I, uh. . .kinda found this envelope laying around and it had some money in it, so I went out and bought some new animes. . ."   
  


K: "WHAT? THAT WAS THE SAFETY HARNESS MONEY!"   
  


O: "Calm down! It's only _Darkslayer_ out there, you know!"   
  


K: "Oh _yeah._ Sorry about that. Anyway, which ones did you get?"   
  


O: "I got the new Fushigi Yuugi DVD dub, and a newer copy of Vampire Hunter D, and I also snagged the collector's edition of Bio-Hunter!"   
  


K: *a dim bulb ignites above her head, and a small ray of light manages to penetrate her blond hair, kicking her brain into gear and focusing her attention on the ring again* "Oh sh*t, the fight!"   
  


Camera pans back to the ring, where Dorothy is beating on Dorothy's chest with little results.   


Dorothy C.: "Ouch! Why can't I hurt you?"   
  


Dorothy W.: "Because I am an android. Androids are made of metal, you dumb blond!"   
  


K: "Hey! I take offense to that!"   
  


O: *hides her face in her hands* "I could have had the narrator from Dragonball Z, but nooooo. . ."   
  


K: *realizes she is shouting and blushes furiously* "Umm. . never mind. Go right ahead."   
  


Dorothy W.: *picks Dorothy up and flings her hard against the mat* "You can't possibly hurt me, you stupid girl. Why don't you go bleach your roots!"   
  


K: *nearly stands up again, but catches herself this time*   


D: *still hanging for dear life above the teletubbie pit of death* Hey, isn't someone gonna help me!?!

K: Sorry, but I'm not going near that pit, those teletubbies freak me out!

O: Sorry, but I'm allergic.

D: D*mmit! *Get's an idea* Wait a minute, I can't sell peanuts if I'm hanging here, so there is an upside...

K: *pulls out a crane and lifts Darkslayer out of the pit* There, now you have no excuse!

O: *hands Darkslayer a tray of peanuts and a little hat with a peanut symbol on it* There you go, now start selling!

D: *****tugs at hat * Hey, you put superglue on the hat, it won't come off! 

K: *slides superglue bottle back into her desk drawer* That's for the mean blonde jokes, hehehe...

O: *to Darkslayer* You have your mike right?

D: Yeah, why?

O: Just making sure you'll still be able to ref without being in the ring. *throws him out into the audience* Now start sellin'!

D: AAAHHHHH!!!!

K: *takes out a grenade marked "peanut craving gas", pulls the pin and chucks it into the audience* Here put this on! *hands Oni-chan a gas mask and puts one on herself*

The bomb goes off and a green mist covers the crowd.

Guy #1: Must eat PEANUTS!

Guy #2 : AND BEER!

D: We don't have any beer! AAAHHHH!! GOD, HELP ME!! *he is swarmed by crazed peanut craving audience*

K&O :*evil laugh* BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!

D: *continues to scream starts holding off the crazed peanut lovers with his mic and rusty butterknife. *

O: *laughing hysterically * This...hahaha....is...hahaha...the funniest...hahaha...thing I've ever seen!

K: *looks away from the funny scene to see how the fight is going* God, look at them!

*D.C. and D.W. are standing in the center of the fighting rink. D.C. is punching D.W. in the stomach continuously, but the punching has no effect because of D.W.'s robotic body*

D.C.: Ughhh!!!!!DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

D.W.: HAHAHA, you can't hurt me, I'm a far more superior robot and have no weaknesses!

D.C.: Ughhhhh!!!!!! *Continues her assault*

K: Ugh! This boring! Let's liven this up a bit...*pulls out a tape from her subspace pocket labeled "The Rock and other wrestling favs" (taped off of pay-per-view of course ^_^) Hehehe, this should be interesting...*slips tape into VCR built into the back of D.W.* 

*D.W. suddenly goes rigid*

D.C.: *stops punching* What the h*ll? 

D.W.: *suddenly slaps D.C. across the ring with a flick of her wrist* CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING???

K: *sweatdrops* Uhhh...don't you mean what the DOROTHY is cooking?

D.W.: Whatever..

D.C.: Ugggggggh....ouch...*little stars & birdies circle around her head* 

*Meanwhile, D.W. has climbed up on to the ropes of the ring above D.C.* 

D.W.: Take This!!! *Jumps off ropes and bodyslams D.C., then, seeing her opponent temporarily stunned, takes time to greet her new found fans* 

Crowd: *munching peanuts* Dorothy! Dorothy! Dorothy!

O: Finally, some real entertainment...

*Loud noise comes from the other side of the ring*

K: OH SH*T!

O: Somebody call an exorcist!

Dorothy W. has begun dancing and singing Brittany Spears "Hit Me Baby On More Time."   
  


O: What the f*ck…. 

  
K: D*mmit! My sister must have recorded a Brittany Spear's video over my wrestling video!

O: Somebody make her stop! The horror, the horror! AAAHHH!   


DW: Hit me baby one more time!

D.C.: * groans and stands up, seeing her chance to finally beat D.W*** **I'm gonna kill you.....

*Suddenly from out of nowhere, the boy group Hanson rappels down from the ceiling, landing right on top of D.C., smashing her into the floor of the rink* 

K: What the h*ll?

Hanson: Now we're going to sing our hit song! MMMBOP! *Starts to sing*

D.W.: *stops singing Brittany Spears and looks on in confusion* Who the f*ck are these guys?

O: *pulls out some earplugs* Ahh, much better.

Hanson: MMMBOP!!!!!

D.C.: *groans*

D.W. *smoke starts pouring out of her ears and mouth, while sparks fly around her head* Such.... Terrible...noise.... can't stand it.... *Her hair catches on fire* AHHHHHHHH!!!!!

*With a huge bang, D.W. explodes from the terrible Hanson music*

D.C.: *stands up and turns to shake hands with Hanson* Thanks you guys, you saved my life! Now that I've won the match, I get a date with Darkslayer! *Starts batting her eyes at a horrified Darkslayer*

Hanson: *Still continues to sing that horrible song* MMMBOP!!!!

K: *runs backstage screaming*

O: Okkkkk *sweatdrops*

*Kousei runs back into the studio carrying a rocket launcher*

K: It's one thing to have Herbal Essence guys and peanut-crazed fans, but Hanson is going too far!!

*Loads up rocket launcher* This is for the ear-assaulting crap music you freaks force the world to listen to! 

*Kousei shoots a rocket, promptly causing Hanson to explode into a cloud of dust, also blowing up D.C., who was standing a little to close to Hanson*

K: *sweatdrops* Oops....

O: Well that's just great, now who do we declare winner of the fight?

K: Ummm...*shrugs* lets just call it a tie.

D: Yay!!! Now I don't have to go on a date with that freakin' eyebrow chick!!!

O & K: whatever......guess we should let the audience leave now huh? *Points towards all the peanut-eating fans, who look desperate for beer to quench their thirst* 

K: *pushes a button, and the doors to the studio unlock, setting the audience free* There ya go!

Audience: YAY!!! Let's go have a beer, there's a great bar across the way!!! *Audience stampede's outside*

D: *puts up peanut box and apron* Well, I guess that means I can leave too! *Tries to walk out the door and is immediately shocked by his collar*

*Suddenly Kousei and Oni-chan drive by in a golf cart, with Kousei at the wheel* 

O: Well, see ya later Darkslayer, you'll be sure to lock the studio up for us right?

D: Hey, but guys wait! You forgot my collar!! *Tugs at the collar* It won't come off! Guys!!

*Suddenly, faint cheesy music can be heard again in the background*

H.E Guys: Hey Darkslayer, we saw what you did to our friends, tell me, do you have the **_Urge_**? *They all advance on him, each carrying a different bottle...shampoo, conditioner, and .....BODYWASH!!!!*

D: OH SH*T!!!!! *Struggles and breaks through the electric barrier, singeing his hair in the process*

H.E. Guys: Get back here! *Gives chase*

D: *runs for the hills* I'm gonna kill you Oni-chan and Kousei!!!

*Kousei and Oni-chan are already driving off into the sunset at a whopping 3-mph in their golf cart*

O & K: See ya in our next episode!!!!!


End file.
